Career Decisions and How?

 

PARENT- TEEN RELATIONSHIPS

As a parent of a teenager, and having handled hundreds of career mentoring cases for teenagers with their parents, there have been some learnings that I would like to share here. All of us have observed the changes that take place in our children as they enter into their Teenage. So many parents are unable to accept some of these changes, and sub-consciously want their teenage child to behave like they used to an year or a couple of years before. Most relationships get awry because of these conflicts of expectations in the parents mind about the behavior of the child. 

Teenage is the "point of inflexion" where the Personality of the child gets transformed into it's permanent adult personality. Yes, once this personality is formed, it rarely changes and only maturity is displayed in the expression of the personality traits as they age, the basic core personality remaining the same for life. So, it is important for every parent to learn to "Observe and Accept the New Adult" at home.  We cannot deal with these teenagers the way we have been dealing with them before this. Yes, a lot will have to be done even in the Pre-Teen years to slowly wean them into an "independent" mode so that the transition is seamless. 

For a child to be successful in Career, parents play a cardinal role in being there for them as their SUPPORT SYSTEM. So having and nurturing a great relationship is the first step before getting into any kind of decision making exercise. There are some key pointers that we all as parents need to take cognizance of while dealing with the teenagers:- 

(a)    Let them take their own decisions daily for all small things too.. for example getting up for school, getting their uniform and bags ready, finishing their homework, preparing for exams etc... the  list is endless.. Please DO NOT help them!! Let them face their "Failures" and learn to take responsibility for their failures. So do not "scream or shout" when they fail, and just be indifferent, and let them realize that they have to find their own way to deal with the failure. 

(b)  Appreciate them whenever they display the "expected" behaviour and celebrate their small successes with them, like an "adult-adult" celebration. Go for an outing for lunch or ice- cream and have a one to one conversation with maturity, treating the child as an adult. 

(c)   Open out to the teens at home, and make them part of your "job" issues or "financial" planning discussions etc.. they will start feeling part of the team and also give you good suggestions. Yes, today's teens are well informed and come up with great ideas, which you could never even think of! Make your child your "partner at home". 

(d)    Be open to the kids on matters involving "sex" or any controversial social or political issues and have a "matter of fact" discussion with them, helping them know the reality of things rather than falling prey to "Social Media University". 

(e)    Feel young and remember your younger days when you talk to them and help them open out to you about their inner feelings. LISTEN more and TALK LESS, they need to be listened to!!

(f)    Never fall prey to Criticism of your child's behaviour at a school PTM, rather, partner your child and make him or her believe that you are on their side.  Speak to the teachers openly and be proud of your child and their behavior, whatever it may be. Do  not try to correct your child's natural behaviour, however offensive it may seem to you or the others. Some children are wired differently, and their energies need to be channelized rightly, that's all..

"ACCEPT rather than EXPECT" is the attitude that parents need to adopt with the Teenagers to get success in PARENT TEEN relationship. After all, we all want a happy Family life and great relationships with our children. No, we don't need to pamper them with all goodies and whatever they ask for, but give them the "INDEPENDENCE TO FAIL & LEARN" on their own. 

HAPPY TEEN PARENTING!!